Ro times two ([info]rorotheclown) wrote,
2006-02-07 04:32:00
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  • Mood: pants
  • Music: World Music - Peter Gabrielesque Tribute (house remix)

Carapace. Carapace. Chitinous hide.

I saw this American commercial on late night TV, right, featuring a woman picking up her 9 year-oldish daughter from school in an SUV and then proceeding on a 430 mile drive to YellowStone(tm) National Park.

I call "bullshit" but that's besides the point.

Billions of thousands of viewers who saw that commercial didn't realize it but they were hit by a very powerful, subliminal message: Empowerment for the single female parent! That's right! Wham! Bazooka! You're a single mom and that SUV gives you mad powwa'! OR you're a single-white woman kidnapping a child for that dream vacation to YellowStone(tm)! OR you're a spy sent by your friend's mom to infiltrate a little girl school and allow yourself to be kidnapped by the adult white female, single, driving SUV. Moose and squirrel!!!

CONCLUSION:
I do believe it was an SUV commercial. I think it was marketed towards empowered, white-collar, single moms-- a fast-growing demographic in our current economy as shown by this chart. F'reals? You see a commercial with a man changing a baby's diapers, you automatically think the mom's in the next room snorting coke. Easy peasy! Everyone knows it takes a woman to raise a broodling as men cannot raise kids on their own. Don't even think about referencing "Mr. Mom" starring Michael Keaton. You're lucky I can't hear you.

...

And I know it's stupid but that male-animal-instinctual thing inside me keeps saying: "Protect the female. Protect the brood." Over and over. I mean, sheesh, can I change the channel on this thing or at least grow some claws or fangs? Maybe a big, fluffy mane or a chitinous hide?

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  • 20 comments

[info]patrick

February 7 2006, 13:06:59 UTC 6 years ago

Mr. Mom was a alright movie, but I think Michael Keaton's masterpiece was Multiplicity.

The true exception to the men raising kids is actually Junior. Arnold Schwarzenegger gave a very powerful performance.

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 13:11:26 UTC 6 years ago

Now, I'm not going to go straight to IMDB on this one but... isn't Junior a sequal to Twins? I mean, for Arnold "Aaaugh AAUGH AAAUUGH!" Schwarzeneggar's character to be able to bear children would probably show that genetic alteration is by far the best way to get Austrian-born governators the chance to raise kids and ok i'm not going to finish this post I've really just.. yeah-- oh here's a good joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Communism!

[info]patrick

February 7 2006, 13:20:14 UTC 6 years ago

That is a good joke! HOORAY!

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 13:24:42 UTC 6 years ago

Spasiba, comrade Pietrick!

[info]droolia

February 7 2006, 17:02:01 UTC 6 years ago

Zdrastvuite!

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 21:38:13 UTC 6 years ago

You gonna bite my neck now? I hear you Russylvanians can transform into common household objects-- more than meets the eye!

[info]thingstouchme

February 7 2006, 16:45:17 UTC 6 years ago

I think it was a Yellowstone commercial.

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 21:42:40 UTC 6 years ago

Oh YEAH? Well I think YOU'RE a Yellowstone commercial!

Let's fisticuffs! You have the advantage-- your balls do not need protection.

[info]thingstouchme

February 8 2006, 04:32:03 UTC 6 years ago

whatever I can just sic my bears on your ass and finish you off with a picnic basket and a muddy teva.

[info]rorotheclown

February 8 2006, 06:00:47 UTC 6 years ago

I am no match for your mighty hippy skills!

[info]frla

February 7 2006, 19:28:34 UTC 6 years ago

I had a mane once.

now it's all patchy.

Sucking.

A.

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 21:41:05 UTC 6 years ago

Shoulda' went with chitinous hide. Noone ever listens to me.

[info]nicodemusrat

February 7 2006, 20:55:47 UTC 6 years ago

You put a chart link in there, I *have* to click on it. Irresistable temptation! Damn you!

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 21:34:29 UTC 6 years ago

A lot of research went into that chart. Many Americans died. But mosty I used MS Paint.

[info]smallberries

February 7 2006, 21:29:05 UTC 6 years ago

The chart is the best.

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 21:36:22 UTC 6 years ago

I didn't do any research for that chart. No Americans died. Rumors that MS Paint use was involved are not true.

[info]smallberries

February 7 2006, 21:48:38 UTC 6 years ago

Statistically speaking, the Mexico cross-section of your metric is by far the most astonishing.

[info]rorotheclown

February 7 2006, 22:15:28 UTC 6 years ago

If I had a nickel for every chart that had Mexico in it then the maximum speed would be turned up to four hundred warble garble..

[info]smallberries

February 7 2006, 23:21:12 UTC 6 years ago

HAH! Funny, I have this Parappa poster in my office and was explaining to a coworker today what that game was all about and why she would love it. Topical, babe.

[info]rorotheclown

February 8 2006, 02:27:12 UTC 6 years ago

It's pretty much the pre-cursor to every dance, rythm, timing game out there. You think of Warcraft spawning the age of Real Time Strategy games.. well, Parappa is the grandmother of DDR and Parapara Paradise and the rest of them.

Also, did you realize that getting *pwned* is a term that originated in the Warcraft III mod: Defense of the Ancients (DotA)?

Now all the kids are saying it.
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